The Disappearance of Grell Sutcliff
by TheRedButlerFan
Summary: Grell feels he needs to pay a debt. Oneshot. Rated T for suicidal-ness.


I smiled.

The sky was dark, the moon was high, the shinigami realm was asleep.

Well, almost the whole realm.

For it was only I, Grell Sutcliff, the reaper to die for, that was awake. And I was leaving for a very long time.

In fact, I wasn't coming back.

William is asleep in our shared apartment, unaware. Ronald Knox is drunk at some bar. Undertaker is going on a reaping on the east end of London, where he would not find me.

It was the perfect night to die.

It was a mid-summer night, the air was refreshingly cool and sweet-smelling, and I was ready. I had spent a year planning this, after the death that I had caused.

Madame Red's death.

For weeks after my much-regretted killing, I harmed myself. I cut my wrists with scissors, letting them bleed, trying to unreasonably apologize to her. I yearned for pain, any form of pain, that would somehow make the debt I owed to my madame lessen.

After the last week of my self-harm, I fell into a horrid depression. I sat, motionless, in a rocking chair for days without getting up or moving. Eventually, someone who cared about me would come over and make me eat, but I began hiding. Shutting the curtains, laying in bed until the sun was setting, locking the doors when people walked by the apartment.

William did not bother me during this period. We did not share a room, we did not share a relationship, we did not share a child. To Will, I was ignored until I could handle it myself. And that's what happened.

I began slowly recovering, and then I felt no better. I tried to tell them, Ronald..Will...Undertaker. But no one understood my blabbering.

So, I began planning.

Planning this night to the very last detail. The moon was in perfect alignment with my room window, where the suicide note was planted, taped to the glass. Under it were my previous tools of my trade: the cutting scissors, the journal where I had written down my plans. Even my beloved death scythe sat on the desk beneath the window, dust-ridden and unused.

I stood up from my sitting position, as I was drifting off and daydreaming. The building I was standing on was very high. I walked to the center of the building and laid down, closing my eyes, smiling lightly.

"Madam, we will finally be equal." I whispered, tears dripping down my face. "I know that you're gone..but now, maybe I can see you."

"No one else knows, Madam." I cried. "No one will expect it."

I smiled again through the tear waterfalls. "It'll be quick, but it will hurt. You were hurt by me, so now, I'll hurt myself.."

"I have a gun to use," I whispered quietly. "Or a knife. I can shoot myself, or I can slit my own throat."

"But I'm going to forget about the pain, when I'm really dead, Madam, once I remember that my terrible deed has been forgiven."

I smiled once more. My Madame will forgive me if I die, so that's what I will do.

"So, which instrument, Madame Red? Which should I use?" I thought for a moment. "You always liked the colour red, and it would be more red if I slit my thoat."

The wind whistled, blowing around me. "Knife it is, then."

"Goodnight, sleep tight.." I whispered, gently putting the knife to my throat. "Don't let the dead bugs bite."

I slammed the knife into my throat, and immediately, I felt searing pain. But I let the tears flow freely, the smile on my face growing wider as I coughed and blood dripped from my lips.

"It's..." I slurred. "Red, Ma..dam."

I felt the blood beginning to pool around my body, my tears finally drying. I blinked.

The world was fading to black, like the end credits of a film.

I was disappearing.

I let the knife fall from my fingers, and it lay by my side.

"I wonder.." I whispered. "Who will reap _my_ soul?"

And I felt myself stop breathing.

It made me rejoice.

Madame Red, my debt has been paid.

"You're not leaving that easily, Grell Sutcliff."

I weakly opened my eyes. Before me stood a dark haired, red eyed demon in a swallowtail coat.

**FIN.**


End file.
